Wednesday, September 19, 2007

I'm relieved... but in shock
I'm scared... but confident
I feel bad.. but angry
I'm exhausted.. but anxious
I feel strong.. but have new found phobias
I'm lost... but clear
I feel hopeless.. but i feel lighter
I miss you... but i feel peaceful
I'm sorry... but i wont blame me..
I love you.. but is it the same?

Basically i'm a walking container full of contradictions...
All cos i'm mad at you...
cos i'm mad about u..

The room haunts me..
And i blame you for it..
Yet i can only sleep in that bed..

Every door slammed..
Every car started..
Every ride in a car..
Every sound of running water..
Every wet pillow..
Every dishevelled bed..
Every neatly arranged set of items..
Every Lit candle..
Every Carton of marigold fruit jiuce..
Every morning 4.45am..
. . .

Love you so much..
yet i hate you so much..
But can't blame you..
And i won't pity you

You hurt me beyond bearing..
Yet i stayed..
Only to show that i'm strong..
But u thought i was weak

Your words stung me..
and my heart twitched..
never thought thought i'd feel this way..
but you taught me that..

You showed so much hate..
& i thought it was for real..
i still suspect so..
Was all that we hugged and laughed for
a charade?
You make me wonder..

I was told..
none of it i should give heed to..
but if its not real..
then where did it come from?

Time heals all wounds...
But is this a wound..
or has a curse been put on me..

You raised hell.. in the name of love
I stood by you
even though it burned me to shells..
All you did was to panic..
shouldnt you be laughing at youself instead?

I love you..
& want a lifetime with you..
But do i have a price to pay...
Am i to pay all my life...
Can my sanity endure..

You threw so many irrelevant Qs..
which led to me questioning my life...
You even questioned who i was to you..
When i was all about you...

You made me do things..
things i once sweared i'd nvr do to myself..
Thats how much u meant to me
But it meant nth to you..
At least then..

You said i'm a selfish..
which part of allowing you to do this to me is selfish?
Which part me was not worrying the shit out of me..
for you...

You made me feel like a 3rd person..
at the same time..
you made me feel responsible for all that you were..
Basically, u made me a fool

You laughed..
at my fear...
not that i feared u..
i feared for you..

you basked in my confusion..
but that helped in my decision...
Decision that its high time that you...
you know what...

Now you sleep with peace by your side..
When you wake..
it's a brand new start
till then i'll pay my price... for god knows what..
but i'll pay with the unconditional wait
and more if i have to..
cos i said god knows..

in love and hope i may wither...
but in the lord I will trust..
for he's my one and only salvage..
constantly.. unconditionally... truely..

Even this post... i didn't write it for me.. so u would you understand why? I doubt my friend.. i doubt...

P.S. Friends. Please don't ask me anything... I is fine... anyways.. whats life w/o its ups and downs huh?

Labels: the heart

i blogged @
5:08 PM

It's My say

Henceforth, i make a promise..

To respect myself
To know my worth
To treasure my integrity
To choose my faith
To never be deterred by emotions
To never stumble in the name of love
To never question hardship
To never ever entrust my heart
Upon one who knows not it's worth

The One & ONLI

quoted...

Pets.. sweet, lovable, rainbow, sincere, friend, cute, unique

Peeves ..quick tempered, hard thinker, soft hearted, emo queen, mad, ando, soda

Well of WORDS

EXITS

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