</head> <body><script type="text/javascript"> function setAttributeOnload(object, attribute, val) { if(window.addEventListener) { window.addEventListener('load', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }, false); } else { window.attachEvent('onload', function(){ object[attribute] = val; }); } } </script> <div id="navbar-iframe-container"></div> <script type="text/javascript" src="https://apis.google.com/js/platform.js"></script> <script type="text/javascript"> gapi.load("gapi.iframes:gapi.iframes.style.bubble", function() { if (gapi.iframes && gapi.iframes.getContext) { gapi.iframes.getContext().openChild({ url: 'https://www.blogger.com/navbar/37582035?origin\x3dhttp://turquoisehouse.blogspot.com', where: document.getElementById("navbar-iframe-container"), id: "navbar-iframe" }); } }); </script>

Friday, September 28, 2007

I just realised something..

After i replied aarthi's and vaani's tags this morning...
I need inspiration..I totally forgot about it..cos i totally lost it!!

What aarthi told me lasted me a few hours and i came back to read it again. I told meself "Get moving!! " I can't possibly seeking external inspiration every few hours. My 1st paper is on the 31st next mth. Thats not really much time and i've done nothing in terms of revising other than planning a revision TT. It is a step... but i've got a long way to go. I need that drive!! It's GONE!!!!

AARRRR!!!! The fire to excel with an "I dont care" attitude has been put out all thanks to my domestic challenges. The best part is.. it's still not over... And it won't be over till in a very long time.. Over that! Things may take a turn any time any where.. How am i supposed to be focused like this?!! I know it sounds like an excuse.. but haiz.. ya maybe its an excuse.. maybe I am pitying myself too much. But even if i behave thick skinned, it shrivels every now and then at the thought of certain events... Even that may be an excuse... right?

I'm simply off track now.. I can't think straight or focus for even a span of ten minutes.. What kind of a responsible adult that my parents see me as behaves like that! Much to my dismay, I can't help it.. urgh!

My mom says that i should use this chance and channel all my strength on my studies, work and music (She says, "just these 3 things!").. see if it is anger it a different thing altogether. It's plain blue disappointment... whats there to channel.. It's only draining me..It's draining all the energy out of me when i try to remain clam/sane...

I know things could get alot worse.. thank god a zillion that i have the 4 of them to tap my confidence and smiles from. We all are sharing the same regrets and sorrow.. It's comforting to know i am not alone..

See.. this is how i know god has shown his grace on me..

He can only help so much... the rest is up to me right?
That is why i am complaining... Cos I am not getting down to it...
I am behaving like such a weakling...
I need to get that Arse on the move!
Where's that "Heck every thing else..
I'm gg to lead my life my way. the RIGHT WAY" DRIVE?
where can i find it?
That's the only thing missing right now...
of cos... alot of other things and people are missing in my life..
but for now...
The impt thing is the NEED... i need a DRIVE!!!
I want to stop living day by day.. event by event.. task by task..
I can't ... i hate to feel helpless
I want To live thru days.. weeks... months...
and look forward to the years to come..
I need to grab a hold of my life now...
now now now!!!


*jumps out of the chair in search of mojo*

ya i wish!~

i blogged @
11:34 AM


It's My say


Henceforth, i make a promise..

To respect myself
To know my worth
To treasure my integrity
To choose my faith
To never be deterred by emotions
To never stumble in the name of love
To never question hardship
To never ever entrust my heart
Upon one who knows not it's worth



The One & ONLI

quoted...

Pets.. sweet, lovable, rainbow, sincere, friend, cute, unique

Peeves ..quick tempered, hard thinker, soft hearted, emo queen, mad, ando, soda




Well of WORDS





EXITS

Me cHiThU Ni
Me BrO
Photo blog by Jillendra oru Jodi
Angelin
Aarthi
eSh
KLKillahs - me n3t hangout
Dee pLaC3 4 KeWl pIc5


archives

  • November 2006
  • December 2006
  • January 2007
  • February 2007
  • March 2007
  • April 2007
  • June 2007
  • July 2007
  • August 2007
  • September 2007
  • October 2007
  • November 2007


    • credits

    Designer: %purplish.STEPS
    Editor: %purplish.STEPS
    Image: createblog
    Brushes: 1 ,2
    Adobe Photoshop