Tuesday, April 24, 2007

today was the first paper i had with SIM... so fast and its been a sem... yes! 25% down another 75% more to go.. then i'll go for a CPA... then i am SOMEBODY man!! lolz... ok that was a little childish eh... but wat to do... a chinna aaseh that requires so much of hardwork... the paper today was ok... i was a little panic during me reading time... theory can really scare me... but thanks to the little prep talk i had with uncle on the way to sch while he was dropping me.. i managed to muster my confidence just throw my "business sense"(like me uncle mentioned) into it... well... i cant promised an A* for that Q.... at least i know i did some damage control... overall i rushed thru the paper like a marathon for life... i cant say that any of the questions were very tough... however being the careless aunty i am... i suspect loads of hidden regrets in that answer sheet.. i hpe it doesnt cost me like a whole grade or sth... damn i wont even know about it..

Yesterday... a friend of mine was dropping by and saying hi... b4 i carry on with this story lemme give you snippet of this friend of mine and me... aint gg to mention e name or give out too many details though...

Friend of mine:

WAS a very close friend of mine... so close that the friendship we shared seemed abosolute... but as u can see that is past tense... of cos i dont plan to go all so cat fight about it... so we are still hi bye and get lost kinda friends... at least to me la.. i dont no abt that person... nt like i care... boo hoo hoo!

k enuff of the snippet...

SO surprisingly this person came up to me was like hi how are you... and then the Q came up... "So! how is marriage life?" and i go like " its going well ... better than i thought.." then said.."hur hur... of cos wat... you're happy cos you're lucky"

That split second i literally jumped off my seat like an unproperly placed lid of a pressure cooker.... LUCK?!!?!?!?! luck??!?!?! oh wer was luck wen i was crying out for loud when you ditched me? is luck playing your life for you... are you happy with your guy cos of SHEER LUCK>!! can i say that you and your family are bloody smiling cos of LUCK>?!!?!?!

I could literally taste the poison of the sacarsm behind her sentence! i could hear you saying it... considering how much i know about you. Yes yes... i admit... the whole wedding thing costs a bomb... and yes me dad and uncle cld afford it... not cos they vasool maamul... cos they worked the life out of themselves for this happy moment...

If was i happy cos i was lucky.... means you expected me to be all so vazhvey mayam about my early wedlock all my life?!! didnt you?!! aw... how sweet.. you pitied me... was i like begging for you to telecast to the whole world "poor meenatchi...bla bla bla" i am in no need of pity yours... dont be all so delusionised tamil padamish people!

Luck has no part to play in my emotions... as far as i am concerned as easily as it gives it takes... so i don't bank on it... yes i've lived a comfy live ... i've had the luxury... a family that wasnt broken... parents who were nvr biased... a brother who was nvr a tharuthaleh... a friend in the name of my bro... a dog to come home to.... finance that could afford me and more... a lovely house to live in... no abuse... and importantly with no form of handicapness in me... basically i am perfectly normal... as much i cld list down all the perfections in my life... i have loads more to complain abt it! doesnt mean i am not complaining... its flawless! its simply means i dont wish to brood over it...

Happiness, sadness, anger, love, hate are all emotions... they come and go... not because you are "fated" to feel it there and then... because of events around... you are happy cos you CHOOSE to be happy... you are sad cos you CHOOSE to be sad...you hate sth cos you DONT love it... and you LOVE sth cos you CHOOSE to make it sth that important to u... CHOICE!! its all your choice... i made my choice... and that was to be happy... mind you ! i didnt make do (i.e. oh well this all there is to my life... i guess i shall just make do). i changed my situation... i seized the chance to take over my my life... worked it out... and of course with the blessed love of those around me especially my husby... (whom also i have to take efforts to love too... cos nth comes without working for.. trust me falling in love happens only in the movies and story books...) these ppl could be all so supportive and loving towards me... but if i were to remain as a self pitying bum who whines and rants all day about fate... aint nothing is going to budge to happiness... really... then probably life would have been so disastrous that any gal in such a stage would probably cease her own lifeline only to regret for eternity... and that all so "sincere" friend of mine might come over and shed a few tears for the zillion good times we probably had and have yet another story to share with the world...

No... i didnt allow any of that to happen... did you really think i am that helpless a fool to let my emotions rule me like that... no way yoz! I was sure that wherever i went i must be happy... even in the slightest crack in the wall of chance to have a fulfilled joy at heart... i'll go for it... today my happiness has been laid upon a chance to be the ideal me... a clear conscience .. and hells loads of love to share with him and my family with him... yes me dear shockness ... i love him with all my BIG FAT HEART!!

here and now... i certify him as the best thing that happened to myself.. (although he came thru the worst heheh! BUT it was worth the hell ride!)

Sorry lovies if it sounded all so angsty... still a form of reflection... just in a pathrakaali style...

haha! I feel better now... i'd probably feel even better if i get to hear that ... the "trusty" friend of mine actually read this..

hehe... adoiz... and anni... you no sth... i dono why... i cant stop thinking of you all day... humphz... i lau you!! mmmuaaahhhz! hehe its so cool to kiss ya bro's pretty wifey... keke

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3:26 PM

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

It's My say

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