Thursday, December 28, 2006
My Treasure, My Love
A treasure i received
With you on your knees
A gift of promise
A measure of love
That it never glowed
Till i see true love
Oh how beautiful it is
The brilliance it holds
i blogged @
8:09 PM
Friday, December 15, 2006
Due to the many turns in my life... and the many new challenges...
I take comfort in forgetting my past and many people i used to know.... not that it was bad... but neither was it a fantastic thing to hang on to... lately i realised that wat i needed was not a brand new start and and a brand new me... but a same old me with making do with the past... and moving head on with the future... nth can be erased or forgotten... be it good or bad...
One thing has been bothering me.. it was a question...
i think i knew it all along... but i just felt a little insecure... of myself...
the friendship i have shared and established...
wat was the right thing to do? really i was confused... it didnt feel right to let go of them... cos i simply cant imagine doing that... not that i m dependent... not that we are related... not that we share a life.. not that we owe each other a living... frankly speaking we dont need each other...
so wats between us that we call friendship? i used to think its mere companionship... or saving each others' arses.. or someone to tell your stories to... or just caring for each other genuinely...
ya friendship includes that... so does acquaintence... wat we share is more than that... we go mths w/o speaking or hearing... however the concern or worrisome thoughts may haunt you... your confidence and trust in your's friend ability... and also respect for his/her privacy surpasses it all... a friend is not a diary... but listener who can share knowledge with you... a friend is not a companion but a person who can be there for you... a friend is not a caring person but a person considers your situations... last but not least... a friend need not be there to share your joys and tears... but to be there when he/she knows she should be there...
true friends hang on... no time or dist can cause the separation...
i am truely very sure of that... cos mine proved me so
i blogged @
9:15 PM
Sunday, December 10, 2006
once i caught myself speaking proudly my closeness india and the ability for me to keep closely in touch with my family's traditions.
Pride really blinds you... i was rather surprised when i caught myself in the act of over doing it. i wonder if it was from any source of influence... i should stop though... respecting myself and appreciating the way my life is... is a good thing... but eating the humble pie would be a good way to strike a balance...
That aside..back to india and traditions...
In the midst of my conversation... i was asked.. " So where do you think your roots are?"
I said, "Why yes, in India of course!"
There was an awkward silence... the pungent disappointment filled the air... i was embarrassed for not considering the situation. I felt like i did the perfect mistake... I did in vain to justify my carelessly spilled statement...
No doubt it was a spilled statement because it is the truth. My roots are in India. Oh why else would i appreciate a month long worth of preparations, travel and a 3 day long( not to mention my bad tummy) marriage?
The whole eposide set me thinking of something i never really thought of...
The question was where was my sense of belonging...Singapore? India?
What do they mean by roots? It is my home? my sense of belonging? The base of my religion and traditions?
According to me... roots... base... where it all started... where the seed germinated...
My family's roots... that is... where it started.... was in india... in fact all sgrean indians' roots are in india... no foremost indian father started his family in a malay fishing village... For me... its deeper in india than most other of my fellow sgrean indians... My parents each were born in india first before they moved out at their yg ages... My dad is the only one amongst his siblings here... My mom's family moved in Malaysia when she was a toddler.... but both their native areas were one and same...
In most families here, migration from their native places occur a few generations before mine... much of the depth in one's family is lost over these generations... Whereas in mine... migration occured just before my generation...
My grandparents only moved to other countries to make a living... Some men brought their wife and children along, some brought only their children (especially sons) others came alone. My grandpa came here with his brother... they both started out their business... later on brought their sons... those who preferred to stay ... stayed and those who wanted to go home... sailed back to india. My dad were one of those who preferred to stay.
However, they all went back to their native places to search for their brides/grooms (Since both of my parents were from the same native place, they got married there). Afterwhich they start out their family in singapore.I'm part of such a family. I was born in Singapore and brought up here. Singapore is where i had my education, i have my friends here, i even get excited on the 9th of august.
So, to what extent was i wrong at saying that my roots are in India?
My great grandpa came here to make a living.. so did my grandpa... during his late days... my grandpa still proudly stated his singapore citizenship ( I could nvr forget his attempts to get his O lvls cert) ... although he always preferred being at home... in amaravathy pudhur... :) he may sound contradicting then... but i understood what he meant... his home may be miles away from Sg but he'll always feel a sense of belonging to singpore... for he shared all the ups and downs along with her... the british, the jap war, the seperation... yes, he was around all the way... he might not have called it his home and stayed there forever... but he left behind pieces of himself... here in sg
I share the same complexity ... i have a great sense of belonging to India... cos my roots are there... my relatives... my cousins... my culture... the traditions i love that is not available in sg... the stories and legends of my forefathers... However my sense of belonging to india can be mistaken for patriotism towards india... oh please... i dont even no when their national day is...
My home is here... Singapore is where I belong... my roots may be india... but I belong to Singapore... cos i am a Singaporean... I was born here, i grew up here, i willl have a family here and retire and grow old here... i'll spend my years watching my home prosper...
i blogged @
7:51 PM
